I will never tell you how good it felt to see you. I never cared if it was minutes or hours, I found myself just wanting to be with you. Whenever we were together, there was a palpable chemistry between us. I wonder if you felt it too, or if it was only me. I liked the way you didn’t care who was around; you seemed to always want your hands on me. That was new. You were the first guy to openly show me affection. Mentally, I tried to keep you at a distance, even though I knew I wasn’t afraid so much of you as I was of my own feelings. I was trying to not have any, and didn’t know how you felt either. I was skeptical of what you wanted from me, but feared asking would ruin whatever this was becoming.
To be clear, I was confused as to what this even was, which was both thrilling and maddening. It turned into a frustrating struggle, between wanting to see you, and trying to protect myself. In the end, you won. You made me smile and laugh more than I had in the longest time. Yes, I was nervous and scared and skeptical, but beneath that was happiness like I’d never felt before. This was fun. You were fun. That may be difficult for you to understand, how my happiness could be buried under all those other emotions, but it was, and you started to get through to it. I only hope that you realize you did.