She was my idol. I looked up to my Ate and made her as my inspiration. I just turned 3 years old when I wanted to go to school just because she was already studying. I even wore her uniform kahit maghahatid lang naman ako.
I wanted to be like her, matalino. But fate has slapped me and crushed my wishful thinking a hundred times. Or so…
I can still remember when she was in Grade 3. I was 5 by then. My tatay was asking her difficult Math questions like 476 times 13. And she was so confident in answering all of them. She answered all the questions correctly. I told her, “sige nga Ate kung magaling ka, bibigyan kita ng mahirap na question. 10,000 plus 50,000??” And they all laughed. I was so clueless that time why they all laughed because for me, I thought that question was really hard. Syempre alam ko na ngayon kung bakit. HAHAHAHA.
It came to a point where jealousy was
slowly killing me and at the same time, destroying my admiration for her.
She is the smart one, and I will never be.
May 7, 2013. 21:05h
Father: Sana pala pinasok na natin si Arie sa Rural. (Waitlisted kasi ako nung time na yun. FACT: Si Ate pang 300 plus!!)
Mother: Hindi nya kaya dun. Tignan mo nga, nagka-line of 7 yan nung 4th year sa Math!
ME: Nagulat nga ako bakit ako line of 7 eh pumapasa naman ako sa exams! Kahit nga adviser namin nagulat eh. Nakarma na yung teacher ko na yun. Okay lang.
Mother: Eh bakit si Ate? (Kasi sa LBNHS din si Ate at consistent honor student siya mula 1st year high school. Number 11 siya nung grumaduate. Ako, twice lang. 1st year at 2nd year, tapos tipong kadulu-duluhan ng list of honors.)
ME: Eh d si Ate matalino! Siya na magaling!! (Sabay hagis ng bracelet ko sa sahig. Oops teka mahal bili ko dun. Sabay pulot at tingin if may sira. Mehehehe.)
Yung moment na yun, sabay tulo ng luha ko. Biglang naalala ko lahat. Hindi ba DAPAT sanay na ako?! Bakit naiyak parin ako? Sanay naman ako na favorite siya kasi mabait, matalino at masipag. Ako?! MAGANDA. MAGANDA. MAGANDA.
Yun lang. (JOOOKKKEEE!) Ako?! Masungit, maarte at tamad.
Pero hindi ako masama. Kasi kung oo eh sasabihin ko sa nanay ko, “alam mo ba ang tunay na dahilan bakit biglang ‘ayaw’ na ni Ate mag-VetMed at ‘gusto’ na nya mag-nursing?” (Nag-VetMed si Ate kasi 2.8 ang UPG nya tapos nagtake siya ng special exam sa CVM with matching interview pa with the parents. Eh ginaya ko siya sa course nya kasi isa lang daw ang Math ng VetMed, eh BOBO ako sa Math, kaya ayun. Pero mataas naman UPG ko kaya hindi na ako nag special exam chenes pa.)
I guess I will never be like her. And I can never be their favorite one. And again,
okay lang sa akin. Kahit minsan hindi talaga.